Working Mom guilt is a bitch. Pardon my French.
Hi! My name is Chauncie! I’m a 33 year old Mother to a beautiful, bright, and amazingly insightful 6 year old girl! I’m your typical career driven, over achieving, control freak, Virgo. I am the youngest of 4 by a whopping 12 years! And although my pregnancy was somewhat planned, no amount of reading, research, or advice from friends/family could ever prepare me for the whirlwind of emotions that were to come after child birth.
I spent years not acknowledging, recognizing, or understanding my feelings. What can I say, I’m a Virgo. We’re not always the best at expressing feelings or being vulnerable. We like logic. Planning, research, procedures, and controlling outcomes. Through the personal development journey I've been on for the past year, I now understand that I have been battling extreme postpartum anxiety as well as feelings of working Mom guilt. But from the outside looking in, you would never guess that.
You would never guess that I was dying inside while smiling and laughing at work. You would never guess that I felt like such a horrible parent for spending so much time away from my child. You would have never guessed that I felt this extreme guilt because I also wanted to be selfish and build my career. I called and texted whatever relative was watching my daughter, even if it was her Father, what felt like every 30 minutes to make sure she was ok. In my head, no one could take care of her better than me. I felt guilty for being on pump breaks at work and was secretly paranoid that I was being judged for having time off after giving birth. I felt mentally and physically exhausted after getting home from work, then experienced more guilt for not having more energy to play with my child that I had been missing all day. Time spent cleaning or cooking also felt like wasted time away from her. All of these feelings and more, crammed into one day… everyday. Being a mom is rough.
Whether you’re a SAHM (stay at home Mom) or a working Mom…it doesn’t matter. Every type of Mom deals with so much on a daily basis! Mentally, emotionally, physically. And yet we tend to bury our feelings, suck it up, put a smile on, and keep on going. THIS HAS TO STOP… We need to normalize being open about the way we feel. However you’re feeling… you’re not alone. And you’re absolutely NOT a “Bad Mom” for feeling that way. You are a human trying to navigate being responsible for a whole other life while trying to retain some version of your self identity! Your feelings are valid!
Next week I’ll be sharing a bit about my postpartum anxiety journey along with some tips on how I've been managing that anxiety. Stay tuned!